Written by Christian Speaker Network Member, Kristen Miele
A frequent question I receive from Christians is not in reference to my most popular tips for discussing sex with kids. Instead, what Christians often want to know is how I became a sex education teacher at all. My answer is that the Lord graciously led me to this life-changing work many years ago and I’m positive He’s calling every Christian parent to do the same in their homes.
While I began this career as an awkward 20-something teaching college students, I now have 15 years of sexual health experience teaching in hundreds of classrooms. I love it only because the Lord has called me to it. Many Christians refrain from conversation about sex because they see it as divisive, or even wrong, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Great sex ed focuses on God’s worldviews, not culture’s. Great sex ed confronts realities, it doesn’t shy from the truth. Great sex ed has our children forefront in our minds, not in the background.
Many Christians aren’t comfortable talking about sex. My family–as amazing as they are–didn’t talk about sex. My friends weren’t Christians, but still came from conservative families where sex was a moot point. I grew up in a wonderful church, yet I can’t recall instances in which sex was a topic of conversation. These experiences likely sound familiar, but they need to change. And that change starts with you as a parent!
A common dilemma parents face is how and when to talk about sex. Essentially, they lack the details of how to have ‘the talk.’ This is understandable because it wasn’t modeled for us. Those who are parenting or grandparenting today likely never heard a productive and effective sex talk.
For generations, silence has won out. In other cases, parents hoped a single conversation was enough. Some offloaded the whole topic entirely by giving children a book on puberty.
I don’t blame them. Talking about sex is hard.
And yet, if we’re being honest, the largest sex ed teacher arrived in the late 90’s. You see porn has and will educate your kids, their future neighbors, coworkers, and spouses, and their generation.
It doesn’t take a sex ed teacher to know that sex is everywhere. Explicit content arrives within seconds to devices. Pornographic material is now a Netflix show. Jokes about sex, queer couples, sexualization of men and women, and overt references to having sex are in children’s movies. The world is talking loudly, regularly, and through all kinds of channels.
God called us to be the ‘salt and light’ (Matthew 5). Christ asked us to treat others how we would want to be treated (Matthew 7:12). We can partially fulfill both of these commands when we talk to our children about sex.
Do you believe this?
Does talking about sex show our children we love them as well as communicate that we are different from the world, but still in it? Absolutely! We are not meant to conform to patterns of this world, but rather we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). Sex ed can help accomplish this.
I fully believe that God is the original sex educator. It might sound strange, but I know it’s true. He does the teaching, and we listen. Through His Word, God He speaks to us on the intimacy of the Trinity, the ways we can honor Him with our body, and the blessings of sexual fidelity in marriage. He speaks to sexual immorality over and over again.
The earlier we understand this and communicate about bodies, sex, sexuality, dating, and healthy relationships, the more our kids will feel comfortable with us discussing it. The more we talk, the more we’ll show our kids we’re safe people when it comes to difficult topics. The more we talk, the more opportunities we’ll have to honor the Lord, glorify His name, and express His good desires for our kids.